Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Happiness

Happy. 

I am genuinely happy within myself for the first time in a while.

Depression does this excruciating thing of telling you life will not get better or you will not get out of the hole you're currently in.

Depression lies. Remember that.

Depression strives for you to become the shell of the person you used to be. You forget who you are. You don't feel real. You float through the days in an emotional pain that is difficult to explain.

On the bad days She, the depression nags at my brain telling me tomorrow will be worse, the next day after that will be terrible. Life is going to be bleak for the rest of your existence. 

Liar.

I am out of the dark (or out of the woods if you're a T Swift fan) and it feels wonderful. My concentration levels are high, I can read a book and fully concentrate on the words and I can watch a two hour film without getting distracted. Silence is enjoyable because my own mind is now quiet. I am calm and content. 

Falling back in love with exercise has happened, I mean, I never felt out of love with running, my motivation to get out of bed was zero. Urges to run come every day however when you are trapped in your mind and you can't physically do anything exercise is a no-go. 

I can run! My legs can run! My body hasn't forgotten how to function, how to keep going one foot in front of another and how to allow oxygen into my body and brain. 

Euphoric feelings burst through me after a run. It is rewarding. I am on top of the world after I run. 

I like feeling sweaty, only in the context of running or general exercise. I like going back into the changing room and physically being able to see the evidence of a run, the dripping sweat, strawberry red face and damp clothing. I like replenishing my body with water and a carby meal.

Things are coming up Milhouse...

Blog post ideas are sprouting left, right and centre, notes everywhere in numerous notebooks. Results day is soon and now it's August I can officially say I will begin university NEXT MONTH. Much excite.