Wednesday, 11 January 2017

A Lesson in Depression

Recovering from depression is like reaching the last monkey bar - it was hard to reach the end, it used all your strength but you did it and you'll do it again. Now you've reached the end of the Earth, felt the lowest of the low no problem that arises in life will be as difficult to overcome as this one. Keep your grip on the monkey bars!


I guess I'm writing this as an update. The 1st of January saw me decide to wean myself off anti-depressants. After taking tablets every day for a year it gets a bit repetitive, and in the last few weeks if I'm honest I kept forgetting to take my daily dose. Not for long though, I'd forget it for two days or so, then start again. Christmas and family time made me forget about them. And the nights I forgot my tablets I slept better. So, I gave it some thought, spoke to my mum and got her opinion, didn't bother contacting my doctors because I felt confident enough to do it myself. Boy, was I right in my decision.

It's now the 11th day without taking any tablets. My head is clearer than ever before. I can function. Did fluoextine turn me into a zombie? It felt like it. Since coming off, I sleep better and for long periods, my mind is flowing with ideas and plans and coherent thoughts. I am ME. Finally. This sounds cliche but I am back to my usual self. I know exactly what I want in life. I know where I'm headed. I know what I like doing, my hobbies and interests. Truly, I am happy. Anxiety is minimal. I went to the student union restaurant alone the other day, ordered food, sat and ate alone and my heart didn't palpitate, my body was calm and relaxed. I have noticed in the difference in my personality and mood. I feel good, Super good. Confidently I can say that. I want to cry and scream at how happy and enthusiastic I am for life.