Sunday, 12 February 2017

Please Brain, Work!

Remember this post? About my decision to stop taking anti-depressants, well, here's a little update.

It's been just over a month since I last took a dose of fluoxetine. To say I was worried is an understatement. I worried about the withdrawal side effects, and stupidly, I kept googling them to remind myself I wasn't dying, it's my body adjusting to change. 

Some of the side effects I have been experiencing include night time sweats and the chills, most nights my sleep is disturbed because I wake sweating, to the point my bed sheets and pyjama's are damp but then suddenly, I'll be freezing cold. Like icy cold. I can imagine my body feels a bit confused. (I'm sorry body but you'll thank me in the long run when you're battling bad mental health days naturally). A strange effect is something called 'brain zaps', I can't explain properly in a way you would understand unless you have first hand experience. It isn't dizziness, although that is one of the side effects, the way I've been explaining it to my mum is 'it feels like my brain is sloshing around'. Weird, uncomfortable image, right? Yeah. It is weird to experience them. Sometimes when I turn my head it happens, or I roll over in bed, or I'm walking down the high street. It just happens. There's no warning and it feels odd. Some of the more 'normal' flu-like symptoms as well of nausea and tiredness. 

I'm hoping it'll pass soon. Fluoextine has a longer half life than other anti-depressants, meaning withdrawal effects don't kick in immediately. In my case, I felt fine until two weeks after my last tablet. It is said to be one of the easier tablets to withdraw from. Since stopping, I have noticed a massive change in myself and bad days come and go, but they are not so frequent. On the VERY good days my to-do list is full and I complete it all. It is so rewarding to just experience life, even all the mundane bits. I feel like I am on top of life. And even on the days where I feel a bit meh, I definitely give myself a prep talk of IT'S OKAY YOU CAN DO IT. ONE STEP AT A TIME. WASH YOUR HAIR. DRINK WATER AND EAT SOME VEGETABLES.

One thing helping me most is writing to-do lists. University assignments can get on top of you, it's easy to lay in bed and watch Netflix when tutors don't check up on you regularly. Add university into the mix of a healthy diet, personal hygiene and cleaning your flat. It can push you over the edge.

Writing a list of tasks I have to do in a day is my saviour, some of the tasks are simply 'shower' 'hoover' but if I don't write it down, I forget and once you've written it down somewhere you've gotta do it. The best feeling is ticking everything off in a day.  I have been using this fabulous to-do list from Sighh which is only £4.50!!! Get one and start getting shit done!